If You Actually Like Running Errands Together, You Might Be In Love (2024)

Picture this: You're in the honeymoon phase with your partner, and every time you look at them, you think, Wait, am I in love?! Or this: You just made small talk with someone on the subway, and you’re convinced it’s love at first sight. Or maybe, you’ve had a crush on someone for years and the butterflies just won’t go away. How do you know if it’s a deep crush, infatuation, or if you’re truly falling in love?

It can be difficult to tell, especially at the start of a new connection when feelings are heightened. But over time, a few key differences start to emerge, says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, author of Date Smart, and host of the Imperfect Love podcast. “In the crush stage of a relationship, romantic feelings are based on superficial qualities rather than personal interactions and a true ‘knowing’ of the other person,” says Manly.

Infatuation, she adds, is “a step beyond a crush” and is typically accompanied by strong sexual attraction. “However, infatuation lacks the vulnerability and intimate connection that allows true love to unfold,” she explains. “With both crushes and infatuations, illusions and projections tend to run the show.”

If you’re trying to discern whether you’re (falling) in love, look for genuine, ongoing feelings—feelings beyond the emotional “high” that usually happens at the start of a relationship, says Manly. “On a neurobiological level, both crushes and infatuation-based connections involve surges of feel-good neurochemicals, such as dopamine and serotonin, that eventually tend to plateau or fade away altogether,” she says. “But authentic love is based on far more than chemistry or common interests; genuine love is akin to a heartfelt friendship that is infused with passion and intimacy.”

So, how do you know if you’re actually in love, or if it’s just a fleeting crush? Are your butterflies the real deal, or should you chalk it up to temporary chemistry? Here are 16 signs to watch out for, according to relationship therapists.

1. Your feelings don’t fade.

One sign that this is more than a crush: Your positive emotions last beyond the initial attraction phase. When you’re in love, "your feelings don't dissipate over time, but get stronger and deeper," says Irina Firstein, LCSW, a therapist based in New York City. So, if you've been feeling this way about your special person for a looong time—or if the butterflies don’t fade after months or even years—it's definitely possible that you're in love.

2. You can be truly present when you're with them.

When you really love someone, being fully present and giving them your undivided attention should come naturally, says Sadie Allison, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist based in San Francisco.

For instance, on a day-to-day basis, you’ll probably want to stay in conversation with them, listen to what they’re saying, keep eye contact, and really hear them when they express their needs. But loving someone also means prioritizing them even when you have other things on your mind, says Manly. “One key sign of genuine love is a true willingness to be present for the other person—and the relationship—when life gets tough,” she explains.

3. You can have deep conversations together.

It's easy to brush aside the serious stuff when you've only got a crush on that certain someone. But when it comes to love? Delving into deep convos comes naturally, explains Allison. “You’re interested in knowing what makes them tick, their dreams and passions, their background, family, and upbringing.”

4. You can be your authentic selves around each other.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you find yourself opening up with this person and sharing more parts of yourself than you normally would, it's a sign that you might be in love, says Allison.

“An important aspect of love is making the choice to be vulnerable—to reveal your authentic self—and creating space for your partner to do the same,” Manly adds. If you feel like you can be silly together but also vulnerable and honest with each other on a serious level, there’s a good chance love is in the air.

5. You even love their imperfections.

Nobody is perfect, and every relationship has its ups and downs. “You’ll know you’re genuinely in love when you see and adore your partner for who they genuinely are despite—and sometimes because of—their imperfections,” Manly says. Sure, they may leave dishes in the sink or have a quirk that drives you bananas, but if you can see your partner for who they are in their entirety and you still care about them, it might be real love.

6. You’ve lost interest in dating others.

Every relationship is unique, and it’s totally possible to be in love with multiple partners at once, especially if you're polyamorous. But generally speaking, if other people on the apps simply aren't stacking up to one person, there’s a chance you may be experiencing real love. Whether you’re used to having multiple partners or not, you may begin to find other crushes or dates less alluring than before, Allison adds. You know yourself best, but if it feels like you’ve only got eyes for them, it could be a sign that this is deeper than a casual crush.

7. Even the boring parts of life are fun.

You know how mundane tasks like grocery shopping or stopping for gas are super interesting (and even enjoyable) when you're with your S.O.? Well, that feeling could be a sign of being in love, too. "You like doing simple things together: running errands, going for a run, cooking dinner," says Allison. "Their company alone is enough to make the time enjoyable."

8. You want to introduce them to your family.

If you've been dying to introduce this person to your family, it's clear that you've got more than just a little crush, says Allison. Feeling comfortable having them around your parents, family members, and friends is seriously a major step. And according to Allison, this is especially true if you're keen on inviting them to holidays or other important events, celebrations, and milestones. "You don’t want important moments to pass without them involved," Allison explains. Feeling the urge to invite them to Thanksgiving dinner? It might be time to drop the "L" bomb.

9. Helping them is a priority for you.

"If you're interested in helping with everyday life situations, like obliging a request for feedback on their resume or partnering up on a volunteer project together, then you're clearly connecting beyond the realm of just chemistry," says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a New York-based relationship therapist and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating. So while that initial spark is important, love means you probably want to be involved with their lives even when there’s nothing directly in it for you—and even past the fun honeymoon phase.

10. Your feelings are consistent over time.

Building true romantic chemistry takes lots of time, says Carmichael. And while love at first sight might feel like it happens overnight, consistency is key in actually maintaining it. "In the long run, most people find that true, lasting chemistry is created through having a partner who continually shows up in a loving way. It's [sometimes] less exciting on the surface because it feels predictable and safe," she explains. A spark is what starts a relationship, but slow and steady commitment is what can lead to long-lasting love.

11. Your connection feels healthy and mutually supportive, and free of "games."

“When you are truly in love with someone, you feel safe and securely attached,” Manly says. This means that your relationship—even if it’s not official yet—should feel healthy, supportive, and free of toxic behaviors. That said, if you and the person you’re into frequently fall into harmful patterns or “games” (ghosting each other, breaching boundaries or trust, breadcrumbing…) it’s probably not real love.

“Many people mistake the physiological rollercoaster of a person who plays hot-and-cold with their emotions or availability as 'chemistry,'” adds Carmichael. "For example, if someone goes MIA on you for two days and then suddenly calls, you'll probably feel a strong rush of emotions. Many people will confuse that flood of adrenaline and 'body rev' with romantic chemistry.” The bottom line? Love shouldn’t leave you feeling confused, anxious, or unsettled.

12. Smaller fights and frustrations feel like NBD in the grand scheme of things.

Despite what the rom-coms may portray, love isn’t always easy—and that means you’re bound to encounter conflicts and disagreements at some point. You may push each other’s buttons and even argue from time to time (it’s natural!). But when the love is real, minor hurdles probably won’t be deal breakers, says Manly. If you feel a sense of commitment even in times of conflict and disagreement, there’s a good chance love is beneath the surface.

13. You're physically and/or sexually attracted to them.

Although sexual attraction ebbs and flows (and it's possible to be on the asexual spectrum, meaning you might not experience sexual attraction at all), in general, if you’re physically attracted to someone and have consistent romantic feelings for them, it may be a potential sign that you’re in love. "Sexual connection is important in any long-term relationship, as it’s a vehicle for a powerful kind of intimacy," says Allison.

Of course, many factors can impact your sex drive, and in no way does sex alone define your love or relationship. But for some people, it’s a telltale sign that love is in the air, and that’s okay, too.

14. And you're interested in them beyond sex, too.

While sex is an important part of relationships for many people, it isn’t everything! In fact, over time, you may not feel that same spicy sexual passion you had when you first met your S.O. But that doesn’t mean the real love is gone, Manly says. “Although genuine love may sometimes lack the depth of passion that a crush or infatuation stage holds, it offers far more in the way of respect, acceptance, deep intimacy, and lasting friendship.”

15. It feels like you're on the same team.

Life can—and will—throw ya curveballs. When that happens, if you and your person are on the same “team,” it could be a sign you’re experiencing real love. “Genuine love, in essence, does not demand perfection or a no-challenge relationship; instead, the love relationship is seen as a co-created and ever-evolving journey,” Manly explains. You may not be perfectly aligned on everything in life, of course—but if you can continuously show up for each other as teammates while creating a life together, your love is probably the real deal.

16. You can still maintain a sense of self.

Even when you’re doing life with someone you care about, it’s still important to maintain a sense of individuality and independence within your relationship. In authentic love, you’re able to evolve “individually and as a team,” Manly says. This means pursuing your own interests, hobbies, and activities in addition to having a life together. “A hallmark of genuine love is the actions a partner takes to show love to the partner without losing the self,” she says. So, if you and your partner can balance between your own aspirations and your life as a pair, it might be true love.

So, what does it feel like to be in love?

Love isn’t one-size-fits-all, and only you can determine if you’re experiencing the real thing or not. That said, there might be some general feelings to look out for, per Manly. “Genuine love evolves over time as partners ‘learn’ each other and navigate the ups and downs of life together,” she says. “Genuine love has a solid, deep friendship at its core. You cultivate respect and awareness to foster a bond of intimacy and vulnerability.”

Generally speaking, if you feel safe, supported, and happy with the person, and your strong feelings don’t seem to be fading, this may be enough to determine that you’re in love. But love exists in the little moments, too. “It’s often seen through the keeping of promises, the efforts to show affection, and mindful listening,” Manly says. “We know we are in love when we’re willing to slow down to make time for what brings our partner joy.”

Ultimately, you know your heart and experience best. But if you read the above signs and feel like many (or all!) of them are accurate to your situation, your love could be the real deal. Slow down and enjoy it—after all, love is fun.