When I buy a newspaper, I carefully consider my purchase while approaching the newsagent.
I need to ask myself: how difficult do I want my first crossword of the day to be? And who's on today? As in, which setter haven't I battled with recently?
Very occasionally, I'll be swayed by all the bumf they use to pad out a newspaper around the crossword: cartoons, adverts, news and so on. Most important, though, is not the ease of the crossword, but the ease of finding the crossword: flapping about, turning and folding.
I most often solve on the move, you see. I'm aware that it's not exactly Jason Bourne - ever alert, he nails the devious anagram, barely missing his stop - but it's important for my choice of paper. I might be on a bench, or on a bus - so if my journey seems likely to be sardined with what former transport minister Steve Norris described in parliament as "dreadful human beings", the last thing I want is to be heaving around pages of a broadsheet, delivering jabs to unsympathetic fellow passengers.
I like to imagine that in the future I'll start each day of my retirement by opening an uncrumpled newspaper that has been delivered to my home, elbows wherever I please, unsquashed and at my own pace. Except that 'dead-tree' news sources will be a curious memory by then, like the pigeon post and ITV. The puzzle will be force-projected into my mind as some kind of cryptic alarm clock, extracting a micropayment from my Brainbank®. And the very concept of 'retirement' will also be a quaint archaism. Still, a man can dream.
Anyway, I prefer easy access to my puzzle. So how do the various Posh Papers compare? Other people get to do stats and rankings all the time - enjoyers of football, say, or politics. Well, now it's crossword-solvers' turn. Here's how the daily 'qualities' break down under the categories Finding, Folding, Reading, Jotting and Misc, each given a score out of three with the potential maximum tally per paper being 15.
Other notes: The photographs are based on a scientific sample sourced from the recycling bin. Only national papers are included. None of the ratings relates to the actual puzzles themselves.
The Daily Telegraph
Finding: Back page. Can be done in one deft movement. Open, press supplementary sections against non-crossword area of back page, spot Alex cartoon and save for later, turn entire bundle and halve. 2/3
Folding: Full marks. Grid and clues visible on a single horizontal fold, and also with an additional option of a vertical quartering fold for comfortable padding. 3/3
Reading: Tidy sans-serif typeface; often in two columns for across and down clues. Perhaps print a little small for some solvers. Not magnifying-glass small, but small. 2/3
Jotting: A little dedicated space with coloured box and sponsor; typically some provision of whitespace around grid area. 2/3
Misc: Quick crossword on same part of page always has pun for quick laugh and/or distraction. Also, solver can feel sure of knowing who setter will be on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Solid and permanent ambience. 3/3
Total score: 12/15
The Times
Finding: Penultimate page. Reverse newspaper, open back page and turn back to expose penultimate page. 2/3
Folding: The worst by far. Puzzle appears on one vertical half of the paper. Impossible to complete on a knee without constant flipping, turning and cursing. Even on a table, requires most of it. 0/3
Reading: The wonderful eponymous typeface; one mark deducted for not giving clue numbers in bold. 2/3
Jotting: No dedicated space, so depends on what is offered by photo in sport story on left of page. Can be excellent if player is wearing white or pale-coloured top; other times - for example, crowd shots - completely unusable. 2/3
Misc: Times actually scores top marks for Folding on Saturdays, making it even more exasperating how poorly the (in itself excellent) puzzle is served in the week. Unbelievable. 1/3
Total score: 7/15
The Guardian
Finding: Penultimate page. Requires practice. Un-halve. Get finger between main section and supplement/s. Move finger one sheet towards self to locate penultimate page of main section. Turn and re-halve. 2/3
Folding: Puzzle typically takes up two thirds of bottom half of page. Other third can be tucked under grid itself for extra padding. 3/3
Reading: An excellent typeface which should be familiar; horizontal spacing between clues could be a little more generous. 2/3
Jotting: The best. Generous dedicated space (though unmarked by label or border) under grid; some whitespace above clues and typically among adverts and offers. Weather maps available following unfolding for advanced scrawling. 3/3
Misc: Weathery, moony, outer-spacey news on same page pleasing, neutral and 100% not distracting: a very suitable accompaniment. 2/3
Total score: 12/15
i
Finding: The worst. When this sister paper to the Independent launched, there was no puzzle at all; now it's in an ever-changing location. Compact format should make this paper a contender for the best at Finding. But. Necessary to turn to penultimate page, locate info box next to concise crossword, identify page number and then flick with an eye on top-left and top-right corners before locating final destination and folding. A shocking treatment of a top-grade puzzle. 0/3
Folding: Typically possible to fold once horizontally. No extra vertical tucking possible. 2/3
Reading: Slightly anonymous type and none the worse for that. 2/3
Jotting: Dedicated jotting space with curved edges; size varies by day. Good spacing between clues allows for scribbling next to clues themselves. 3/3
Misc: Costs twenty pence! (And should have been a winner on that point alone - see Finding above.) 3/3
Total score: 10/15
The Independent
Finding: The best. Penultimate page. Supplementary sections tucked into main; crossword in main. So only one turn necessary. 3/3
Folding: Nicely presented along bottom of page. No flipping necessary, but no padding possible. 2/3
Reading: Similar to sister paper above, if slightly more cramped. 2/3
Jotting: The worst. Limited space around solutions to maths puzzles on right of page, but vertically-oriented. On a good day, a large sport photo enters lower half of page with a lot of empty grass; otherwise it's a matter of trying to get purchase on whitespace at bottom of page. Awkward. 0/3
Misc: Feels odd for such a distinctive crossword to have a relatively anonymous print presentation. 2/3
Total score: 9/15
Financial Times
Finding: As with the other old-school supersized broadsheet the Telegraph, easy once you know how: unhalve, flip up supplementary sections and re-halve turning paper inside out. 2/3
Folding: Perfect. Halved, or quartered for padding, no turning ever necessary. 3/3
Reading: The pink does no harm at all, but if the type were any smaller or denser, cataracts might pop. Perhaps business magnates all have 6/6 vision? Would be the FT's only shortcoming if it weren't for the big one with the pink 'un - see below. 2/3
Jotting: A straight-cornered dedicated box which, while small, gets an extra mark for being labelled JOTTER PAD in bold capital letters, lest any businessman spot it and harrumph about the lazy waste of space which could have been used to advertise steel futures or something. 3/3
Misc: The worst by at least 100% in one crucial respect. Two pounds! 0/3
Total score: 10/15
So the count is done. The Telegraph and Guardian are the joint victors with the Times, depressingly, at the back of the pack. It should not need to be repeated that none of these scores relates to the clues, setters, editors, puzzles or even the culture of the crosswords.
In a future post, why don't we compare the papers' various online puzzle provision? For now, though, what about you? Which print crossword has the sweet spot, offering the crossword in the right place on the right page?
