Your son’s wedding is on the fast approach and you, the mother-of-the-groom, couldn’t be happier. Seriously, you are downright jubilant. While you’ve already secured your spot as one of the VIP guests, you don’t want to overstep any boundaries and irk your soon-to-be daughter-in-law during the planning process (or on the big day). From acting like a bridesmaid to making empty offers, these are all the things amother-of-the-groom should skip doing.
Here are a few things a mother-of-the-groom shouldn’t do.
Don’t overshadow the bride’s mother
The bride is going to want to share a few special moments with her own mother during her wedding planning journey. If you hear that they’re going on a venue scouting mission or dress hunt, don’t automatically invite yourself. Wait for the blushing bride to ask you to come along. If she doesn’t, try not to get offended (I know, it’s hard), she probably just wants to have a bit of one-on-one time with her mom.
Don’t act (or dress) like a bridesmaid
Yes, you’re one of the wedding’s VIP guests, but it’s important to remember that you’re not part of the bridal squad. Unless you’ve received a formal invite, don’t show up to the bachelorette bash or a group planning event. This kind of goes without saying, but you should also skip sporting the same ensemble as the bride’s MOH. Opt for something in a different shade and silhouette to make it clear that you’re not a bridesmaid.
As mother-of-the-groom, it’s fine to offer up your opinion, but you don’t want to be a complete Judgemental Judy. If you and the bride-to-be have radically different tastes, you probably won’t love every linen and floral arrangement she picks out - and that’s fine! If you feel strongly about something you can always make a suggestion, but don’t get aggressive about it. Remember, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
Don’t steal the bride’s spotlight with your mother-of-the-groom outfit
Yes, you’ll want to look like a million bucks on your baby’s wedding day, but don’t go overboard. Skip wearing white - or any colour even close to white - to save yourself from awkward glances and the wrath of future daughter-in-law. Don’t know what you should be sporting on the big day? It’s best to ask for pointers. If you’re already pals with the bride’s mother, ask her for a bit of help in the wardrobe department, she’s probably hunting for the perfect dress, too.
It’s the norm to give the bride’s family and the groom’s family a set number of guests to invite to the wedding. This can be tough, especially if the happy couple is opting for a more intimate gathering. Fight the urge to request more invites and try your best to pick the ones that matter most.
Don’t skip the pre-wedding events
There’s a good chance you’ll be on the guest list for most of the pre-wedding parties, and, as the mother-of-the-groom, your presence is kind of necessary. One you definitely shouldn’t miss? The bridal shower. This will give you a chance to bond with your future daughter-in-law (and her friends and family) before everyone gets caught up in the crazy world of wedding planning.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
This rule applies in all aspects of life, but really take it to heart if you’re helping to plan a wedding. If you say you’re going to package up hundreds of wedding favours, don’t back out at the last second. The bride-to-be is depending on her nearest and dearest and you don’t want to let her down so close to her big day.
Don’t try to outdo the wedding with the rehearsal dinner
Typically, the parents of the groom (along with the parents of the bride) have a hand in planning the rehearsal dinner. If this is the case for you, don’t take it as an opportunity to throw an extravagant, over-the-top soiree. Yes, it should be a night to remember, but it shouldn’t be more magical than the wedding itself. Keeping things laidback and easygoing is the aim here.
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
The Best Colors for Mothers of the Groom to Consider
In general, jewel tones and earthy hues, like emerald green and burgundy, work well, in addition to universally flattering colors like black and navy. Valiente also adds, "Wear a flattering color that compliments the color palette of the wedding."
The groom's family traditionally paid for all costs associated with the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom paid for the bride's engagement ring, wedding ring, and groomsmen gifts. It is also common for the groom's family to pay for the alcohol at the reception.
Consider heirloom-worthy serveware or a handmade book featuring your family's secret recipes. Alternatively, opt for items she'll likely need for the wedding. Think: a luxurious getting-ready robe, something blue or travel essentials for the honeymoon.
Engraved jewelry or accessories make for a timeless and sentimental gift for your son and daughter-in-law. Consider getting them a piece of jewelry – such as a necklace or bracelet – that can be engraved with their initials, wedding date or a special message.
The groom might opt to escort his mother down the aisle and to her seat in the front row, followed closely behind by the groom's father. This gives the groom an opportunity to give his parents a hug before taking his place at the altar.
According to traditional etiquette, the groom's family is responsible for paying for the bride's rings, the groom's and groomsmen's attire, the rehearsal dinner, gifts for the groomsmen, some personal flowers, the officiant's fee, the marriage license fee, certain aspects of transportation, and the honeymoon.
For starters, it is quite common for the groom's mom to be with the bride the morning of the wedding. "Most often times we see the mother of the groom getting ready with the mother of the bride in the bridal suite," says Manda Worthington, event planner, founder, and CEO of Mae&Co.
To my son and his bride, I want you to know that I will always be here for you, supporting you and cheering you on every step of the way.I wish you a lifetime of love, happiness, and adventures together.
Who Pays for the Mother-of-the-Bride and Groom's Beauty Team? As with most beauty questions, there is no hard-and-fast rule. Some brides may offer to cover hair and makeup services in order to thank the wedding party for being a part of their special day.
While this speech has traditionally been given at rehearsal dinners, it's not unusual for the mother of the groom to speak at the wedding reception, either. If you're struggling to put words on paper to express the joy, happiness, and love you have for your son, you're not alone.
The groom might opt to escort his mother down the aisle and to her seat in the front row, followed closely behind by the groom's father. This gives the groom an opportunity to give his parents a hug before taking his place at the altar.
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
If the mother of the groom is very close with the bride, then she may feel as though it's her duty to pitch in, too. If your mom, sister, or friends are on board with the idea of a co-host, then this is an entirely acceptable route.
Consider Your Dress – Your hairstyle should match your dress. If you're wearing a simple dress, you might opt for a more intricate updo or a half-up style with waves. If your dress is more elaborate, consider going for a sleek updo with a bun or chignon on your nape.
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